marisa: the scars that remain

This is the book that I’ve been writing, off and on, for nearly two years. I’ve been going on about it at great length to anyone who will listen for two years, as well. There’s a certain amount of arrogance and obsession that comes with writing, at least for me; or at least for me writing this. But it’s finished, and there are at least some parts which strike me as coming close to who you are, and what it’s like to know you and talk to you. I wonder what you’d think of what I’ve written.

I’ve thought a lot about what I’d do when I got to this point, and what I’d like from the book. I’m giving a copy to mama and papa, and keeping a copy for myself as well. I’d like to send it to a couple of other people. Apart from that, I’d like it to be available to be read by anyone who happens to stumble across it. So I’ve put the whole manuscript on Scribd, next to your manuscript; it’s available here:

But I’d also like the book to have a physical existence. So it’s available here as well, from lulu. It costs about £10, depending on exchange rates; and from that, if it is bought through lulu, about £3 will be revenue. £1 will go to the MS Society; £1 will go to the BVA; and £1 will go to your niece’s saving account. I think that, with the excellent cover illustration from Jihyun Park, the manuscript has become a proper book. I hope you’d approve.

first draft

Hi Marisa,

Well, I’ve finished the first draft of the story I wanted to tell: your story, and mine as well. I’ve just read through it, and I’ve sent it to some people, including your best friend. I wonder: what will they think of it? Does it actually manage to capture anything true and real? I think there are some places, at least, where it does. Some passages make me cry; some parts of it make me laugh. The laughter is what I like to remember the most.

Pek Wan has read the story. She’s helped me to write it, every step of the way. Once, she told me that if we ever have children, she’d like to read it to them, to show them what an amazing person their aunt was. I know you agree, she’s a pretty amazing person as well, and I don’t know if there’s anything she could have said that would have made me feel quite so happy. Or sad.

Whether I have written it well or not, I’m going to try not to look at it for a while. Maybe until next year sometime. Then, I’ll read it again. Maybe it’ll look like trash when I read it again. But, if I still think that there’s something worthwhile in it, I’ll try sending it to the same literary agency that you sent Many Scars too. You see what I’m doing, of course. The name (at the moment) of what I wrote is The Scars That Remain; and a lot of it is not what I wrote, but what I’ve archived from your writing.

I put an inscription in the front of the draft. It’s a quote from Haruki, naturally. “The song is over. But the melody lingers on.” (The Wild Sheep Chase)

I’ll be leaving this blog for a while, I think, although there are still more pictures that I want to post. There’s also a trip to Japan soon – in about a month, around your birthday – where me and Pek Wan, mama and papa, will get together and scatter the last of your ashes in Wakayama Bay. I might be able to meet some of your friends while we’re over there; perhaps The Colonel, if he’s around. Anyway, I’ll let you know how it goes.

Every time I write, even if it’s not about you, or to you, it is because of you. You have given me too many things to list, and they are priceless and unquantifiable; but perhaps writing is the gift I treasure the most. I hope that some day, I can write something that you’d enjoy, and be proud of.

Thinking of you always,

Jim

let the wild sheep chase begin

3:53 sunday/monday night. work a wrap. let the wild sheep chase begin

— homesicklibrarian (@23skeedoo) November 6, 2011

many scars

“deus ex machina

an unexpected power or event saving a seemingly hopeless situation – OED

Synopsis

‘Many Scars’ is analogous to multiple sclerosis inasmuch as it is written in the form of relapsing and remitting episodes, which progressively overlap as the story unfolds. The odd-numbered chapters are set over a two-month period in the recent past, while the even relate more distant events spanning the previous decade. Both strands gradually merge together and, in the final chapter, into the present.”

This was the synopsis that she sent to Daniel Goldsmith Associates in 2007. She hesitated over sending the manuscript, partly through lack of confidence in her writing, and partly because it told the story of her life and scars with raw honesty.

She received positive feedback from the literary consultants, and was encouraged to edit some parts before resubmitting the manuscript for a second reading. This was the letter she received:

‘Many Scars’ was one of the winners of a competition run by Daniel Goldsmith Associates. She was happy with the praise, although she was slightly miffed with the placement of her name on the website:

Although she did revise the manuscript, she decided not to resubmit it. Writing it had allowed her to make sense of her life, and made her want to write more. She was content with what she had produced, and felt she was ready to face the future, and start to write something new.

‘Many Scars’ can be read here: